Tiril: the birth of Molly

“Today, four weeks after welcoming our little Molly, I feel the birth is slowly letting me go.

It’s a strange bubble, postpartum. Skinless and vulnerable as ever, I’m here, completely prepared and yet not at all, for all that awaits.

Birth is a long process, still ongoing, and I’m given life again as a woman and a mother. The last weeks have swept away, but the birth lives within me as if it was today.”

This is how Tiril Refsum begins the story of her birth.

I was lucky enough to be Tiril’s doula, working closely with her and her little family from the early stages of her first pregnancy, throughout birth and the postpartum period.

What thrilled me with Tiril right from the start, was how she was so consciously working to root out this belief: that we as strong women ‘have to do it all alone’.

She invited in support - not because she felt weak, but because she wanted to nourish her sense of strength and resilience as she transitioned into motherhood.

I’m so happy Tiril wanted to share her story with you!

“I had prepared for weeks and was ready to deliver long before my due date.”

“I felt so sure I would give birth early, but as the days passed, I realized this was just the beginning of not having control. My impatience got a real test.

On the afternoon I started to feel the contractions creep in. My partner Chris got so excited and started to time the contractions in an app. I knew there was still time and tried to relax. I even went out to fix a few things, stopping every now and then to breathe through the rising surges. I knew a big job waited ahead, but keeping myself busy felt good.

On the afternoon I bounced on my fitness ball, as I had heard it could help open the cervix. Chris continued to time the surges, still very excited. I tried to stay cool. I sent a message to my doula, Ragnhild, to keep her updated. I guess we all knew that we weren’t going to sleep much that night. I knew I was built for this, yet many thoughts came in, telling me I should be nervous by now.

At 3 am I couldn’t sleep any longer.

The contractions were so strong, I had to focus all of my energy on breathing deeply, and I knew we had to leave soon for the ABC-clinic at Ullevål. I called in and they told me to stay calm and be with it.

I went into the bathtub and tried to relax. No way I could just sink in as I usually do. Just after a few minutes in the hot water, a very powerful contraction rose as I felt my bowels twist and watched all of yesterday’s food coming out of my mouth like a fountain. I knew that I need some nutrition for the work ahead, but no way I could get any in.

I called Ragnhild again and we decided it was time to go.

At 5 am we arrived at ABC, and I merely got through the doors before I was on all fours.

No talking or walking felt possible at the peak of the contraction. I was already deep inside the tunnel of birth, it felt like the world around me faded.

Kindly Chris and Ragnhild asked me if I wanted to have some music or the diffuser on, but I couldn’t have cared less. Funny how simple and raw it all was - all I needed was my birth team and my breath.

As I entered the birth tub, surrounded by candle lights, I could feel the support of the soft caressing water calm me down. I knew “now is the time to let go”.

After a couple of hours in the water, I was 7 cm open.

I was so tired. I knew I should eat, but I couldn’t manage. Chris gave me a herbal tonic I had made, but I got nauseous and told him to throw it away. My midwife gently asked me to leave the tub. She said I was almost too relaxed and now I needed power.

Ragnhild and Chris supported me out and helped me into a position where I stood in between them and let go completely, while Ragnhild lifted my belly to help Molly rotate down through the pelvis. I felt like I was going into thousands of pieces, not in a good or bad way, just dissolving. The old structure tried to stay, keeping me tense, but I knew that only softness could help me. I got into the bed and started to push.

My midwife told me to feel Molly’s head.

I resisted, but she persuaded me. I felt my power come back as I touched her little head with the soft hair.

I ordered Chris to bring me a Coke, I couldn’t think of any other thing to drink. The morning sun entered the room, but not inside of me, yet. I was still deeply focused within. Only minutes left. I was tired, shaking and hungry. I could feel how my muscles and core strength and will had to enter. The contractions were not enough.

At 10.06 my midwife said; only a few more risings, and she will be here. That gave me power. With my hand still on Molly’s head, I felt her time was soon here.

My midwife was so happy and cheerful, I knew we would make this. She supported me so well at the last pushing. The timing was amazing. I knew when to slow down and when to push, my hand on her head made it possible for me to connect deeply with her entrance. Chris and Ragnhild, all the time there, cheering on me, caring for me and holding me.

At 10.10 am I caught little Molly with both hands.

There was only silence, relief and peace left. I could feel the sun in the room, and we were in heaven.”

Molly was born the 30th of January, 2020 and is now the cutest toddler around!

Today, looking back at the whole experience, Tiril says:

“Having Ragnhild as my doula made my transition into motherhood a warmer, safer and deeper journey.

Before I really knew what a doula was, I liked the idea of ​​getting support from someone really familiar with this transition, someone who could be by my side and guide me through the ups and downs. After a few weeks with Ragnhild, I realized I had made a good choice, and today I recommend everyone to bring a doula.

We need a lot of support in this intense time, that can have us feel lonely and insecure. I think we are meant to go through childbearing with others. We need intimacy and safe people around us to have a good and comfortable journey.”

Just a happy doula by the birthing pool, shot by birth photographer Eva Rose.

Want to know more on how we can work together?

Please don’t hesitate to contact me - or click the buttons below for more information in English.